Death Fridge!

I put this together for our Music Matters newsletter, but I thought I’d post it for all of you… Here’s a rundown of my recent battle with the station’s fridge. Awesome.

The Death Fridge, looking pretty tame actually…

MONDAY- I came in this morning and had enough of the smell. I cleaned the bottom shelf of the fridge at about 5am….good times. Special note to the special someone who leaves produce in Ziploc bags, even things in Ziplocs go bad after 2 or 3 months. Dear God that was horrible. I think one of the items was trying to run away from me so I soaked it in boiling water. Stay away from the garbage can. STAY AWAY FROM THE GARBAGE CAN!!!

TUESDAY – There are three containers pulled from the Deathfridge. They are sitting on the counter and will be thrown away by the time I leave today. I personally feel the damage and horror contained inside each one of these containers cannot be reversed but I also don’t want to throw away a valuable 90 cent container. If they make their way back into Deathfridge they will be immediately destroyed. What gives me this authority? My holy quest to destroy Deathfridge and all it stands for. Special shout out to the person who brought in a bag of cheese….sometime during the Clinton administration. Those were the days weren’t they?

WEDNESDAY – I’m more then happy to throw everything away in the Deathfridge. One must hit bottom to get back up to the top. So sayeth the Deathfridge slayer.

THURSDAY – To update you on the Deathfridge: Both the upper and lower shelves are taken care of. Today was the inside door and butter container. In the butter container was a container of either blood or tar. Or both. I think someone may have been murdered by Deathfridge and I plan on a full investigation.

FRIDAY – Today’s shout out goes to the person who left the paper bag full of….maybe eyeballs? I’m not sure. Could have been eyeballs. If the avian flu does spread, one need not look further then our kitchen for the source.

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  1. sarah
    Posted May 25, 2006 at 6:40 am | Permalink

    Wow, I am a graduate student and I thought the graduate student fridge on my floor could get scary.

    Sometimes the inside of the fridge looks like a compost heap. And smells worse than that.


  2. cathy
    Posted May 25, 2006 at 9:37 am | Permalink

    i almost peed my pants laughing and threw up from disgust at the same time. i love it when something can evoke such polarized emotions at the same time.

    oh man john, i have a new level of respect for you. blood, tar and eyeballs in a paper bag? gross.

  3. Lisa
    Posted May 25, 2006 at 10:35 am | Permalink

    This was my favorite John DeathFridge rant:

    “Please be responsible for your food in the fridge! Even the
    freezer stinks of mold. I thought the cold killed the mold but we’ve
    created a super mold that is taking over the entire unit. God help us!
    Is this how people are at home? I fear for some of you. I’d also like to
    point out that the fridge is a direct reflection of the state of your
    workplace. Its like frogs signaling the oncoming environmental
    destruction, you see frogs with 9 legs and 14 eyes you know we’re in
    trouble. Well you see a fridge and its disgusting you know that people
    aren’t taking pride in their workplace and respecting their coworkers.
    Its about frogs people!!!

    Maybe there is some frog in there that is expired.”

  4. Posted May 25, 2006 at 10:51 am | Permalink

    wow… good luck with that fridge. i would just start stocking up on dry goods.

  5. Posted May 25, 2006 at 11:24 am | Permalink

    Who puts potatoe chips in the butter compartment anyways?? And a half-eaten cake left uncovered?


  6. Lisa Wood
    Posted May 25, 2006 at 11:34 am | Permalink

    Sadly, this is a problem in almost every office. The frigde at my day job is SO bad, that people have bought personal fridges to have at their desks. In an office of 70, currently there are about 6 personal fridges.

    It’s gross.

  7. Colette
    Posted May 25, 2006 at 12:46 pm | Permalink

    It seems to me that no one is giving props where at least a standing ovation is due. John, you are the only straight man I have ever encountered who, of his own free will, not being nagged into submission, and at 5 AM CHOSE to clean out a fridge. And stuck with it as well as finished the task! On behalf of all women, I bow down to you John In The Morning. As for the contents, I would like to believe that people who care enough to drink soy milk, eat fat free dressing (which you might as well throw out cause it tastes like chemicals) and get all matter of organic foodstuffs, would follow through and want to have a clean place to put these types of thoughtfully chosen products. Although, that cake looks like it is made out of slices of deli meat. Two tips John – first put up a sign that says “Your mother doesn’t work here. Clean up after yourself” and two – Clorox makes great wet cleaning cloths.

  8. Posted May 25, 2006 at 2:06 pm | Permalink

    In all fairness, that cake was excellent and then it was moved into the fridge. I don’t know about the rest of you, but half ‘n half (and tapes ‘n tapes) is the the only thing in the fridge that I dare touch.

    That said, we are looking for volunteers for the pledge drive and we could use one brave volunteer to sanitize the DeathFridge. Any takers? E-mail

  9. John Richards
    Posted May 25, 2006 at 2:10 pm | Permalink

    WOW. If you ever wondered why our membership dept is so great at what they do…they just turned our deathfridge into a membership oppurtunity! Who wouldn’t say yes to that? You and I can scrub that bad boy down together at 5am. It will be really romantic

  10. Greg Vandy
    Posted May 26, 2006 at 2:34 am | Permalink

    I know! The chips in the butter compartment is the best part. And I agree with Theo, in all fairness, the cake was pretty good.

  11. Cheryl Waters
    Posted May 26, 2006 at 11:32 am | Permalink

    What? Chips don’t go in the butter compartment? I learn something new every day!

  12. Matt Chism
    Posted May 26, 2006 at 12:34 pm | Permalink

    I’ve been so inspired. It’s like the pivotal moment in a movie, when all seems to be lost, and injustice is everywhere, and the camera draws near our hero; suddenly, out of nowhere, a crescendo of Patriotic music starts playing, possibly with some martial drums, and a voice as clear as a bell starts addressing the downtrodden masses; “yes, YES the evil Fridge of Death has oppressed us. Yes it draws us into it’s evil fold. Yes, it conspires against us with every bit of forgotten cheese, with every forlorn salad leaf, and with casseroles of unknown origin. But we can resist! We can fight this tidal wave of miscreant charcuturie with our own bare wits! We CAN throw away! We CAN risk the ire of our coworkers by “reallocating” rotten roast beef to the trash receptacle. We CAN refuse to continue to make cheese with last year’s milk! WE CAN! AND WE WILL! Who’s With me! WHO’S WITH ME!!!!”
    I think I am going to paint half my face Blue, find a kilt, and go all William Wallace on our fridge’s ass.

  13. Posted May 26, 2006 at 2:49 pm | Permalink

    Those ain’t chips in the butter compartment. It’s some sort of dried knar-knar.

    John- please clean the freezer too, it’s just as bad. thanks in advance

  14. Posted May 26, 2006 at 4:34 pm | Permalink

    Dear Chilly,

    What the hell is knar-knar?

  15. Posted May 26, 2006 at 8:30 pm | Permalink

    well, it’s more commonly spelled gnar, but I prefer the Old English spelling knar.

    and it’s a noun or adjective that is or describes somthing nasty that you don’t want to touch. If you double it up that means it’s extra grody. oh, and it often looks like chips from a distance. Where do you think Gnarls Barkley comes from…

  16. Dan
    Posted February 25, 2008 at 2:04 pm | Permalink

    props on the soy milk. nobody else at my work would ever drink soy milk : /

One Trackback

  1. […] When I arrived at KEXP bright and early Friday morning, armed with a powerful solution of vinegar, water and ammonia, I was greeted by what Theo said was a fairly tame version of the notorious Death Fridge. […]

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