Getting things straight…

Santa needs his juice, KEXP Yule Benefit, Neumos – 12/16/2005
Photo Courtesy of Gregory Perez

Those of you who bother to download our Music That Matters podcasts know that John likes to make fun of me. He also makes fun of me on the air. And that’s fine with me. I can take a joke. If I couldn’t take a joke, John wouldn’t make fun of me. If there is anything positive I can say about John it’s that he’s not a mean person. But what I take issue with are things that are not true. Here are some things that are true about me, that are very easy to make fun of:

1. I am going bald
2. I am a little too into the Simpsons
3. I am not good with women
4. I was Santa at the Yule Benefit and I was really that hammered
5. My beard is pretty weak

And these are just the first few things that come to mind. I’m sure there are a ton of things that I’m missing. Does John call me baldy? No. Does he openly wonder why I only show up at KEXP events with dudes? No. Not at all. He makes shit up!! And that’s what chaps my ass. Let’s get this straight: I have never in my life played Dungeons & Dragons. In fact, I’m sure John knows more about the game than I do. I’m not saying I’m not a geek. But I’m just not THAT kind of geek.

I am also not a drunk. The Yule Benefit notwithstanding, I drink in moderation. In fact, John has never seen me drunk because he always leaves shows early to go to bed. Even on the weekends. Yes, it’s true that I ask Cheryl to bring me tequila on her frequent trips to Mexico, but that’s because Petron is ridiculously expensive. And it’s not like any of you send me the occasional bottle of Don Julio. So what’s a man to do.

I also take issue with him referring to my dog as “the devil dog”. He is a very sweet dog. But John’s son Arlie is afraid of him. So John makes him out to be a mean dog. In fact, during a recent pledge drive a volunteer was
afraid of my dog because of John’s near-constant fabrications. And my dog is a PUG!! He’s tiny. How could anyone be afraid of a pug? It’s like being afraid of ice cream or pillows…there is nothing inherently scary about a pug.

So the next time you hear John badmouthing the KEXP webmaster you’ll know that there are two sides to every story.


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  1. John Richards
    Posted May 31, 2006 at 12:12 pm | Permalink

    Seriously, the dude’s dog is evil. I saw it kill a member of the Stills, just because he was French Canadian.

  2. Cheryl Waters
    Posted May 31, 2006 at 12:59 pm | Permalink

    MMMM, devil dogs. Those are chocolate, right?

  3. Lisa
    Posted May 31, 2006 at 1:09 pm | Permalink

    My kid’s afraid of the dog. Score at halftime: Kids 2, Dog 0.

  4. Kirk
    Posted June 1, 2006 at 9:34 am | Permalink

    JD – Dude, you can write! Very funny piece.

  5. Jason
    Posted June 1, 2006 at 9:40 am | Permalink

    I’m just saying, that was the drinkest Santa I’ve ever seen! LOL

  6. Rachel
    Posted June 1, 2006 at 2:14 pm | Permalink

    omfg. don’t take that kinda crap from these people. c’mon, let’s go play ultimate. it’ll take your mind off things.

  7. Cheryl Waters
    Posted June 1, 2006 at 4:40 pm | Permalink

    Yeah, well Hemingway was a drunk and he could write too.

  8. Posted June 1, 2006 at 4:51 pm | Permalink

    wow, what the hell?! Rufus is a great dog, I’ll be the first to defend his honor. pillows are scary however

    see ya’ll at Wizards Of The Coast

  9. Lisa Wood
    Posted June 2, 2006 at 8:09 pm | Permalink

    Mmmm, Don Julio silver is so gooood. I’ll get you a bottle for your Birthday Jason.

    You and the pup are not alone. He does it to us all…..I look at John’s fun-making as an ongoing hazing of sorts. It’s like the big brother that loved to beat on you or the kid that teased you, but really liked you.

    Dish it back!

  10. Greg Vandy
    Posted June 4, 2006 at 5:22 pm | Permalink

    Yah! John Richards makes shit up all the time. Last week, he made fun of my special Jug Band show – comparing them as a musical equivalent to mimes. He said he wants to “beat” jug players when in fact I’ve seen one of those wash-tub, one-string broomstick bass things and a subscription to “Folk & Roots” in his office!

    But Jason, one more thing you should add to your list, is the fact that you like Reggie Miller and root for the Pacers.

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