When I arrived at KEXP bright and early Friday morning, armed with a powerful solution of vinegar, water and ammonia, I was greeted by what Theo said was a fairly tame version of the notorious Death Fridge.
However, after assessing the Death Fridge situation, Theo and I stepped away from the kitchen for just a few minutes while Theo gave me a tour of the station, and when we returned, the Death Fridge looked a bit less friendly.
“I don’t remember it looking that bad when we left, do you?” Theo asked.
“No,” I replied, rooting around in the Death Fridge for the source of the maple syrup-like substance that was now dripping from the top shelf of the fridge onto the bottom one and filling up the produce drawers.
The Source: An open can of previously frozen apple juice concentrate.
Apparently, Theo had offended the Death Fridge by calling it tame, so it felt the need to revolt by spewing sugary-apple goop all over itself.
But, apple goop or no, I was determined to persevere. So, I reached deep into the belly of the Death Fridge, which now smelled like giant-sized bottle of Sour Apple Pucker, and piece by piece, removed the following super-sticky items:
– A handful of plastic containers of various vegetable and rice dishes so dried out and shriveled up that they could be repackaged and sold in the grocery story as one of those handy “instant rice dishes” that you just add water to, heat and serve.
– Several take-out Chinese food containers, each containing approximately 1/2 a bite of fossilized left-overs. Some of them were well-wrapped in plastic grocery bags, though, to protect them from other creatures residing in the Death Fridge.
– A fast-food burger or sandwich of some sort, half-wrapped in foil and partially eaten… maybe by the Death Fridge itself.
– Various other atrocities. However, the blue ribbon for special things I found in the Death Fridge goes to… a Costco-sized bottle labeled “Whole Peeled Garlic” containing a large quantity of sludge, which in no way resembled garlic, but looked more like melted rainbow sherbet and Neapolitan ice cream that had been mixed together to take on a sort of brown color, while still remaining various shades of pink, orange, yellow and green. I put some in my coffee â€“ it was good stuff.
The freezer was significantly less frightening, as the Apple Juice Incident was contained to lower compartment of the Death Fridge. However, in addition to a note from John requesting that I not throw away his vegetarian frozen dinners, I did find various plastic utensils and several empty plastic grocery bags. The freezer seems like a less than ideal place to store these items, but maybe plastic knives work better when chilled.
After a battle that lasted nearly an hour and a half, I was finally victorious – the Death Fridge was clean – at least for the moment. I’m sure that before long, it will return to it’s former state of glory and once again do scary things to all food products who dare to enter it’s evil belly.