An Open Letter to John Richards
From Cyrus Despres, KEXP Systems Coordinator & 2007 Auction Item
Thanks for including me in this year’s list of station auction items! It’s so awesome to be photographed and described in such a degrading manner — for the good of the station, of course. Seriously. I really didn’t want to show it to my sweet, lonely mother, who would love nothing more than to see her youngest son representing his favorite radio station and employer in an online fundraiser. Nope. You kidder! It is going to be so exciting to watch my current bid rise slowly from $10 to (fingers crossed!!) a modest but respectable $12.50. THAT is my dream.
I do have, if you don’t mind, a few minor corrections to make. I know, I know. You are a busy guy, so fact-checking your write-ups really wasn’t an option. So, I hope these clear up any incorrect assessments our fine listeners might have made about KEXP’s Systems Coordinator.
1. You may not know how to do the things I do at the station, but you of all people should know what it is I do. I certainly am aware. For starters, I do shit like go to your home (after more than a little begging on your part, I might add) and fix your Internet connection so you can log in to the station network. I believe you still owe me for that one. I do this because I love to help, and I love my co-workers. Yes, that includes you.
2. I have a Bachelors Degree in Business. And I did it in 4 years, like most people. How many years did it take you to get your degree? Do you even have a degree? Or did you stay in college all that time just to keep playing Ultimate Frisbee? You were, like, the captain of the team, weren’t you? God, what a lame game.
3. Finally, I will have you know that I built and ran a broadcasting station while in college, and I hosted my own radio program. So, just because I haven’t pursued a position as a KEXP DJ doesn’t mean I don’t have ambitions beyond managing financial and technological projects and systems. I love music, and I love to share it. Just like you.
With that said, John, I must admit that you did get a couple things right. First, I probably will go for cheap in this auction — I’m no High Dive VIP table, after all. But, to help boost my value, I promise to take my winner out for a drink if they’d like. That’s gotta be worth something, no? And secondly, if that lucky winner and I happen to hit it off, you know, with conversation about our mutual Love for John in the Morning, I can’t deny that I probably would happily “put out” as you so tactfully stated. (C’mon, I’m young, single and have no shame).